Dirty Little Secret #103 - #105

103) I just ate a twinkie.

A bona fide Hostess Twinkie.

It wasn't good. But it was satisfying.

104) I'm terrible at responding to memes. But my sister requests that I do this.

Here are the rules:
Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.
Open the book to page 123.
Find the 5th sentence.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.

I am reading The Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follett. I read it in high school, but it has been many years. From page 123:

"So it's just a traveling knight or a tinker every day or two. Then on holy days, when people come from all over the country to hear services in the cathedral, we gather farthings galore."

"It seems to me that we might man the bridge on holy days only, and give you a fire out of the proceeds," said Philip.

I don't know five people. I'll ask Kara, Sandy, Kurt and Heather, and hope that they'll forgive me for never answering their memes. Although, I don't know if Kurt does memes. He can just make fun of me instead. That's more entertaining.

104) I struggle with faith.

(Did that come out of nowhere, or what?)

The quotation from The Pillars of the Earth seemed unenlightening when I was typing. But its actually rather relevant. I am a lapsed Catholic, and I disagree with many tenets of organized religion in general. It seems that faith and love and God are lost in the church's search for money and power and membership.

Between my own unshakable liberal social values, the co-opting of religion for political gain, mega-churches with millionaire ministers, and bad things that happen to good people, I am adrift. If only my Catholicism or American Christianity today resembled Prior Philip's version of faith and church. But it doesn't, so I do not attend.

My husband believes himself to be an atheist. He's good to his core, and he believes that good comes from inside of himself, not needing the motivation of heaven or hell, salvation or damnation. He believes that needing that external motivation to do good on Earth negates the act in some small way. Why not do good, seek justice, make peace on Earth because it is right, not because it is demanded?

And he is right.

But I lack something. I believe in the Divine. I do not believe in Hell or eternal damnation. I believe that the Bible and other holy texts are inspired by the Divine but are the work of men and women. I do not believe that they are inerrant. I believe that whatever God is, God loves everyone.

Everyone.

So I am thinking about exploring the local Unitarian community in my neighborhood. My sister scoffed, "Unitarian is church for people who don't believe in church!"

Exactly, I said.

Exactly.