Friday, June 30, 2006

July Blog Exchange: Welcome Kristen!

This post is part of the July Blog Exchange on the theme "Freedom." Please welcome guest poster Kristen, from Motherhood Uncensored.

Of All the Things That I Have Lost…

When I made the choice to become a parent, I lost the obvious freedoms. It was sort of like they handed you this cute baby that took you 15 hours to move about one foot from your uterus out your va-jay-jay, and asked for your left leg (or in my case, my entire ass) in return.

Sure, I was aware of the obvious limitations that would affect my daily existence. It sucks but we get over it – no sleep, no perky boobs, and no dropping f-bombs at the guy that cut you off on the corner of 8th and Pine. You laugh at the thought of a “quick stop” anywhere, and you realize that any type of “fun” activity – like going out to dinner and a movie alone with your spouse must be planned at least 2 months in advance.

But we adapt to this new loss of independence. We offer sex in return for 2 hours of sleep-in time (changing your wake-up from 5am to a whopping 7am), buy stock in chicken cutlet bra inserts, and start using words like “gosh darnit” and “that poopyhead.”
We hit the post office when we have a babysitter (hence why no one gets a birthday card or gift from you on time every), and we forego the dinner and a movie for take out and a bad dvd.

Fine. It’s parenting. Our choice.

But what I didn’t realize was that the greatest loss would be my own carefree view of life – that things happen, life changes, and people die. Sure things happen, but what if they happen to my kid? And what if my kid dies before me? Or if I die tomorrow and I don’t get to see my kid grow up?

Heck. As a singleton and married-sans-kids, I didn’t worry about my own mortality or even the life of my spouse. And I didn’t worry about how my own actions and reactions might affect and shape another human being and make them a millionaire rock star, Nobel Prize winning scientist or a serial killer. Life was simple.

Now, it seems like I’m constantly thinking about the example I’m setting for my daughter. And I worry about her health and well-being on a daily basis. It doesn’t rule my life, but it’s certainly in the forefront of my mind. And it’s not just because she’s little – I think that even when she’s older and away at college, I’ll still worry the same way.

And while I wouldn’t give back my daughter so I could have my worry free existence back, a part of me wonders how any parent walks around with their hair still in their head, their clothes on straight, and their Xanax not tucked away in their coat pocket. Lord knows I’m headed that direction. And fast.

Come visit me and read more at my personal blogs Motherhood Uncensored and The Mom Trap.

11 comments:

Rinn said...

Excellent post, Kristen. It's spot on!

chelle said...

I totally relate to this post. I wouldn't trade our daughter for the world, but to sleep in and not worry about everything would be a blessing!

sherry said...

Amen. Every news story about kids and tragedy brings on a gut-wrenching "what if that was MY kid?" reaction.

Mom101 said...

Lovely, of course. But chicken cutlet bra inserts? Please explain to this DD mama.

Christina said...

It's true. A bad headache sends me into a panic, wondering if I have a brain tumor that will kill me before I see my baby grow up. I used to be so zen about life and death, and now the thought of dying sends me into a panic.

Izzy said...

and no dropping f-bombs at the guy that cut you off

lol...this is an exercise in futility. The f-bomb will never be truly exorcised from my vocabulary...not for lack of trying, though. But yeah, I'm a giant worry-wart now and I was never really like that before. My kids have easily aged me 10 yrs in the last five. *sigh*

Her Bad Mother said...

Yep. And what Izzy just said.

(At what baby-age does it become mandatory to abandon the f-bomb, exactly? I'm not there yet, am I?)

Jozet said...

Wait...you get 2 hours of sleep-in time? I need to renegotiate.

But, this is all so, so true. I was just takling about this sort of loss or freedom from anxiety last night with a bunch of mommy friends. I'm an anxiety-prone person to begin with. But when it's worry over your babies...(long exhale)...sometimes I think there ain't enough Xanax in all the world.

Anonymous said...

I think as moms we jump to the worst possible scenario to try and protect ourselves for everything little thing because it's all so intense. I was hoping this was just a new baby thing. Hmm. Apparently not. Bring on the Zanax!

mothergoosemouse said...

I wonder if I will EVER not worry about my girls. Gives me new perspective on how my parents must feel (and all parents of adult children).

Kurt Schroeder said...

This blog entry was so nice she posted it twice.