Saturday, November 04, 2006

Dirty Little Secret #33

Over the past four days, I consumed an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

By myself.

I suppose I might feel disgusted with myself, and slightly guilty. But I've decided to chuck all that in favor of letting the self-soothing - if slightly despicable - ritual bring me closer to my dead father.

Yes. That same dead father whose specter can't be shaken.

He loved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. My mother went through the motions of hiding them, always in the cupboard above the refrigerator. Arriving home from the grocery store, she would stand on a chair and toss the bags in, saying "your father complains that there's not enough chocolate in the house, but it's really no good for him."

Each night, not long after the doorknob turned and his footsteps made landfall in the kitchen, you could hear the cupboard door creak open. He would rustle among the discarded wrappers in the bag, and pull out a handful. If he were dieting, he would limit himself to one, maybe two.

Dad preferred the mini-peanut butter cups. You know, the kind that are tiny and deep. But I don't know - the ratio of chocolate to peanut butter is all wrong for me. I need the classic: round and flat. More peanut butter than chocolate. But I never asked him. Maybe he didn't care. Maybe it was all my mother bought. Maybe he suffered silently for years, longing for the bigger model.

If he were here, I'd ask. He'd pull down his half-rims and look at me over the top. "What the hell's the matter with you?" He'd chuckle. "I don't know, I just like them."

I just like them, too.


Anonymous said...

MMMMM. Chocolate. My vice seems to be the cookie version (Pepperidge Farm has a few very tempting offerings right now) and I have given up on the guilt, too. What else is a mom to do?

K said...

I just ate about 15 of those minis. They are clearly crack.

Way better than the big ones, IMHO.

Tater and Tot said...

What better way to remember your awesome dad but with a bag of peanut butter and chocolate. I bet he would be proud!

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh. I think he liked the little ones because there was more chocolate than peanut butter. And he could eat multiple pieces without feeling guilty.

I miss him this weekend, too.

If he was around, he'd eat all the kids' Halloween candy.

Emily said...

I'm almost done with my pack that I bought *just in case* kids would show up. Even though I know the only one who'd stop by is my neighbor. Hey, I'm pregnant. I can eat whatever the hell I want.

I love the image of your Dad poking around until he found the loot. :)

Heather said...

I always buy peanut butter cups for Halloween, but I always keep them for me.

They are quite yummy.

Kara said...

Wow, I love that you've been blogging regularly again. I feel like I've been slacking.

As for the topic at hand..... damn, I love those peanut butter cups too! I don't care what shape... I even like the peanut butter cup Easter eggs, Christmas trees, Halloween peanut butter cups...... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!